I know… I know deep in my heart I know it is not my fault and it’s not my lack of ability caused this situation.

But real world story is, I still have anger to myself, I hate myself caused this situation.

The suffer of my family is my fault, starting from my birth, if there’s…. if I say it my mother would be sad.

I’m doing things and want to do things that way beyond my ability and experience. The things that should never bother the child at my age. Starting from I dropped out of my middle-school.

At some time in my life, I began to realize that I can’t spend money to feed my greed or my dreams. The money is not unlimited. And my parents have to work hard to make money. And I’m using them to make errors.


I’m the type that I knew everything deep in my heart, but my brain just won’t follow it. Consequently , the the constant loop of making errors and self-blaming.